Thursday, January 28, 2010


My name is Suzanna, and I have Addison's Disease.

haha, there I said it. now, how do I learn to accept it? This crazy disease is ruling my life, and I want it to stop now! I HATE it! I want to be normal, be back to feeling normal, be okay.

(this is a pity party if you were wondering...)

One day at a time, one moment at a time.

Then my mind starts racing and I think the worst. I tell myself, "I won't be able to work... I won't be able to support myself. Then what will I do?" ugh, why do I take my fears to the absolute worst? how about just worrying about today for a change?

While I'm letting the world into my pity party, I might as well admit that I'm mad at God. I'm mad that I can't be a healthy 24 year old. I'm mad that I have to worry about which medicine to take when, and constantly evaluate what my body is trying to tell me. I'm mad that I can't be at work right now. I'm mad that I now have 10 prescription medications to keep track of.

People are telling me that I have to let myself grieve. I guess this is it. I've cried more this week than I have in months.

I need to tell you something else though. I have to trust God despite all of this. That doesn't mean every moment I feel full of peace, that my heart and mind aren't filled with turbulence, or that the panic attacks stop coming. It does mean that I run back to Him each time my faith wavers, and that He is there even when I don't feel strong or brave or happy or ready to deal with life...

He has a plan for me, and a plan for this time in my life. I'm mad about it, and I'm not sure I'm ready for His plan. However I do know that He wants to give me good things, and He loves me even more than I can imagine.


  1. Ugh. I am so sorry that you feel this way. God has a much greater plan than anything you could dream or imagine, and He WILL use you and redeeem the brokenness of this world. You are in my prayers, friend. For real.

  2. Suzanna,

    I also have been blogging about my near ten-year journey with Addison's Disease & I too have battled terribly with many aspects of this insidious disease. Reaching out to each other is imperative. For about ten years, I've hid my disease - I was humiliated, in disbelief that I was "steroid-dependent" and that "stress" was my downfall. No one understood. Now, I am finding people - like ourselves - who do relate. It is an Addison's Mirror we're all peering into. Keep savoring the good and GO CONQUER my fellow Addisonian!! You can find me, Lana C. at Let's all keep in touch!


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