It's ok to not be ok

I absolutely love this post on In(Courage). It speaks to where I am emotionally right now. I hope it blesses you too. Here is an excerpt:

Are you looking at that overflowing to do list and feeling bad about yourself?
Are you thinking of the week ahead and wondering how you will handle all of it?
Are you watching the news with your heart breaking and wondering how to take it all in, when your own daily life is so overwhelming already?
Here’s the thing: It’s ok to not be ok.
Right now?
Where you are at is ok.

It might not feel like it, and it might not look like it to the rest of the world, but I can tell you confidently that you are ok. And not because you have anything pulled together.
Let me tell you why.
Because Jesus says you are worthy.

Read the rest of this post here on in(courage)

Why I wish I was best friends with Robin Jones Gunn

found here

I just finished reading "Finally and Forever" by Robin Jones Gunn. It's like the finale to a series you've watched for years on tv... long anticipated, but bittersweet. It all started with the Christy Miller series I read in middle school. This last book was a continuation of the stories started in that series. Robin Jones Gunn has written over 80 books and I think I've read more than half of them. She is my favorite author and I'd recommend anything she's written. Let me tell you why.

Her writing is down to earth. The characters in her novels aren't perfect, and they remind you of yourself. And by the end of many of the books, the characters remind you of the kind of person you want to be. Inspiring things happen to her characters and changes happen in their hearts that make you want to learn and grow in faith.

There are also moments in all of her books that make me stop and read sentences over again- nuggets of truth that I can't help but want to remember. Robin must be a wise woman in person, because the things her characters say are such amazing mini life lessons. I've learned about handling life with more grace from each Robin Jones Gunn book I've read. In many ways I've identified with the different characters she's created, and she writes about how they overcome challenges differently than expected. Her writing about these fictional characters almost gives her readers permission to do the same.

I'd love to have Robin as my best friend, sharing insightful advice to my problems and her opinions about what I should do. If I'm going to be really honest though, I do have some wonderful Robins in my life. Women who care, and are willing to speak into my life. Reading "Finally and Forever" and the Sisterchicks books inspire me to work harder to be caring and involved friend. We need people in our lives that lift us up, bring us along, and point us to God. I'd love to be best friends with Robin, but you know, I think I'd like to be Robin to my friends too. 

Hang on tight to what you know...

source

I feel a little bit like that boy in the picture. I want more than anything to curl up on my couch at home and hide from the world. But I know that things are going to get better, life will feel right again, and that I'm not alone in this. It feels nice to admit that I'm a mess, because we all get that way sometimes, right? 

What do you do when life feels overwhelming? What do you do when things are spinning around you, and you can't keep up? Hang on to what you know...

I know that God is in control

I know that I am loved beyond measure

I know that there is a bigger story going on than just me and my life.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Here are some encouraging things I've been reading lately:

Keeping Rhythm and Balance

When Life's Unfair 

The Release of Freedom

Don't forget to breathe

From Despair to Dawn

I've been reading Liz Owen's blog for a year or so now- she may not know it- I'm kind of a lurker. I love hearing stories about her writing, about her dog Mabel and now the journey she's been on with pregnancy, illness and a new (adorable) baby Jane. Liz writes with humor, and shares her life in a real way that is inspiring. Her faith despite her more recent struggles is so encouraging.

And guess what?! Liz wrote a book! I'm so excited. I've been looking forward to reading it, and can't wait for it to be released (on October 18). But in the meantime, here is an excerpt for you to read:

My (not so) Storybook Life: A Tale of Friendship and Faith

***

Once one has breathed in the deep pungent aroma of sewage, you never again forget the nose-hair singeing, eye clawing, throat gagging experience. It comes over you slowly. You begin to feel like a character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest as your muscles involuntarily jerk and you run screaming and blowing raspberries. Anything to get away from the mind-numbing stench.

But let me explain.

It was 6:30 a.m. I was standing in my retro pink tiled bathroom trying to open my bleary eyes and ready myself for work. As I stood there, peering into the mirror and wondering what demented nighttime fairy had planted four new wrinkles on my face, I paused and sniffed.

“Matt… what’s that smell?”

Matt staggered from the bedroom in his underwear, eyes half shut. “I don’t smell anything.”

I pointed my nose into the air like a hunting dog. “Seriously? You can’t smell that? Did you go to the bathroom in here earlier? I told you to use the room spray when you do things like that.”

Matt puffed out his bare chest and gathered his pride as best a man can with sleep in his eyes and a small hole in the side of his underwear. “I just woke up!”

I frowned, catching a glimpse of my makeup-less hot-rollers-in-hair state and tried not to think about the fact that I looked fifty instead of twenty-nine. “Well, help me figure this out. Because something smells ripe.”

We sniffed the sink drain and ruled it out as a suspect.

“Is it coming from the toilet?” Matt asked, examining it from top to bottom.

“No, that’s not it,” I snapped. I’m not known for my milk of human kindness in a disaster. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a survivor. I plan on eating my radish like Scarlet and clawing my way out of the nuclear dust while dragging my loved ones with me. But I won’t be doing it with positive phrases and a smile.

“Hon, I just don’t know. We’ll call a plumber after work, maybe it’s coming from under the house.” Matt staggered a little, trying to get past me and out of our tiny bathroom.

“Well, that’s just great,” I moved aside and pulled the shower curtain back so I could perch on the side of the tub and give Matt room to move out the door.

That’s when the full brunt of nastiness filled the air around us, a swirling mix of excrement and acrid stench that would have brought the sewer dwelling Ninja Turtles to their knees. Where the normally slightly-clean-with-a-hint-of-soap-scum bottom of the tub should have been, there sloshed gallons and gallons of brown sewage.

I clutched the front of my sweatshirt and held my breath. Matt began to dry heave.

“Get out and shut the door!” I screamed as we bumbled into the hallway.

“I’ll deal with this,” Matt grabbed my shoulders, trying to talk and hold his breath at the same time.

I could feel my eyes glaze over, the horrors of typhoid and hepatitis in our bathtub filling my mind. But more importantly, I could envision our evaporated savings account. In my mind’s eye I could see the long, gray hallway at the bank. A worker shrouded in a black suit pulled a set of keys from his pocket and unlatched a small locker labeled “Owen Bank Account.” Inside were two small stacks of quarters and a few crumpled dollar bills. It was bleak, not only because the banker with an unimaginative wardrobe gazed at me with an expression that could only be interpreted as “You’re a Big Fat Loser,” but also there was a very definite possibility we wouldn’t be able to pay for a plumber.

I wasn’t necessarily a spend thrift. In fact, I was downright frugal when it came to decorating with thrift store furniture and rewired vintage lamps. But the fact was, we were poor. We were starting out at starter jobs with starter salaries. We were starter adults with a starter bank account.

“Okay,” I nodded numbly, thankful that Matt was taking the lead on such a disastrous biohazard. “But make sure the plumber is super cheap. We don’t have much money!”

I left for work like a wino stumbling through a fog, not really remembering my commute, not really doing any work as I sipped my coffee and stared blankly at the computer screen. A disaster of such gargantuan proportions had previously been unthinkable in my life, and now I found myself attempting to push the image of a vast sea of bathtub poop from my mind. But I was sure of one thing: Anne Shirley never had to get ready for work while breathing raw sewage.

***

Hilarious, no? I cannot wait to read the rest of the book. Lucky for us, Liz is giving away 10 pre-release copies of her book on her blog, Mabel's House. Check it out!

Delightful Phrases: how's your vision?

via Pinterest (I know, I know, lame source...)

Top 5 things I've learned about money

via here

I'll admit, I'm not in the best position to be giving money advice. I'm going to be pretty transparent here. I'm in debt. 

Yes, I have a pretty small student loan that I've been paying faithfully since graduation. What I'm talking about is the credit card debt I let pile up when I got sick. It turned out that I couldn't afford all of the doctor's visits, scans, and a hospital stay. I bought new clothes and things that made me feel happy when nothing in life seemed right.* Before I knew it I was in over my head and I just figured that I would pay it off when things calmed down. I learned really quickly that life doesn't calm down... First there were doctor's co-pays, perscription co-pays, medical bills for my insurance deductible, then came new tires, new brakes, and finally vet bills when Brody was sick.

In a perfect month, without any extra health, vet, auto or other costs, I have money to put into savings and a little bit extra. But life is far from perfect, and once you spend your savings it seems like it takes for-ev-er to build it back up again. I wish I could do the last two years all over again. (Oh wait, no..I really don't.) But do I wish would have heard it in a way that mattered to me before I got into this mess. I was arrogant and thought I knew better than all of the smart people who had ever given me advice about money. I didn't think credit card debt was something that could happen to me. (Does this prove any cliche about being young?) So here it is, for myself to never forget, and anyone this might benefit:

via here

5 Money Lessons I've Learned

1. Sometimes you can't afford even the basics

• Just because I had a job, health insurance and was over 21 didn't mean I could do it all.
  
• I thought since I had medical bills, I had to pay for them right away. So I would take out my credit card and pay each bill. WRONG! if you can't afford to pay for them with cash, do not put it on a credit card. I didn't learn this until I maxed out a credit card and then wondered how to pay the bills that kept coming in the mail.
  
• Food might be necessary to live, but if you can't afford it, find a way to get it without going into debt. I rationalized my way into using my credit card for "healthy" food, into stocking up on things because they were cheap, into eating out because I couldn't wait until I got home... There are a lot of other options than the way I did it.

2. Ask for help

• I didn't tell my family how much being sick was costing me financially. I figured I should be able to pay for it all since I had insurance and a full time job. I'm sure they would have had lots of support and advice to give had I asked for it. Don't try to do it all on your own!

3. Hospitals and healthcare companies will work out payment plans with you

• I had no idea this existed for every day people (not just for those in true poverty situations). Even if you are able to pay, but it will make money tight for you, call and set up a payment plan. Credit card companies charge interest, health care providers do not.
  
• Call as soon as you get the bill. I let several hundred dollars pile up in medical bills while I was stressing over how I could pay for them. By the time I called, several of the bills were months old and headed to collections.
  
• The biggest bill I had was almost $2,000. I had no choice but to call the hospital and find out what my options were. I was so surprised, there were options and the person on the phone was not condemning. I set up a manageable plan to pay $200 a month until it was gone. 
  
  

4. Things cost 2 or 3 times more if you pay for it with credit (and don't pay off your credit card balance each month)

• If you're buying something now because it's on sale, but can't afford it without a credit card- it's really not on sale. I'm still learning this one. A good deal, is so hard to resist. My idea of a "good deal" is changing.

5. The bad financial choices you make will catch up to you (quickly)

• Even if your finances don't matter to you today, they will matter in the future. I thought I would have more time before I would have to deal with it all, but the bills come fast and the debt piles up.
  
• If you can't afford it, don't buy it. This might be common sense, but I didn't think it applied to me when I was spending money I didn't have.
  
  

*I knew then that I was looking for comfort and peace in the wrong place, but it still didn't change the fact that buying a new pair of shoes or craft supplies made me forget how stinky life was. Sometimes I think that doing something special for yourself, like buying a new pair of shoes, can be a great reward, but I took it too far. Now I'm paying the price. Now every time I pay my bills and have little left over I'm reminded that God is my sustainer. He is the one who will give me sweet comfort, lasting joy and the strength to keep moving through life. (take a look at Psalm 46:1 and Mark 6:25-34)

Some links to bloggers who talk about money and wisely using it:
Faithful Provisions
Simple Dollar
Christian Personal Finance
Get Rich Slowly
My Coupon Teacher

A new book on my Amazon Wishlist

I ran accross this book recently and I am really excited to read it.

Here is a short promo video:

Reality Check

 ^4-5Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!
 ^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
 ^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Philippians 4:4-9 (The Message)

Hoping for so much more

My friend Rachel is on The World Race right now, an 11 month mission's trip that will take her and her team to 11 different countries around the world. She's been blogging about her experiences in Australia, the first country on their route. You can read her posts here.

What she most recently wrote really struck me. In this season of my life, I've been doing a lot of waiting on God. Hoping and praying for things to change can be very frustrating if your expectations aren't from God. Rachel writes about wanting to be close to God, hearing His voice and being holy. Her expectations were that those things would come naturally on the race, but she's found that there's more to it than just being on a mission's trip. She writes:

"I am learning that the Lord can change things in the blink of an eye but He most often chooses to work things out gradually. That is as much his will as miraculous signs and wonders. I think the Lord is showing me that it takes time and patience for these things to come. Not only patience but an expectant, hopeful, Christ centered patience that puts Him at the forefront of things and not the blessing or hoped outcome of what we are waiting for. I was reading in my commentary about hope in Romans 5.

It said, Hope is not an uncertain, wishful thought but an assurance of something not yet fully experienced but guaranteed here and now by the love of God that the Holy Spirit pours into believers' hearts.

That is the kind of hope I am talking about. I was listening to a sermon today from The Village Church and the pastor Matt Chandler said something very interesting. He said religion seeks out God's blessings..., but the Gospel seeks out God. The only blessing a true follower of Christ should seek is the presence of God. I think I am learning that I haven't been desiring the presence of God solely. I have been desiring other secondary things like songs or even ministry opportunities, which are both good things if they a birthed out of a heart that is seeking Christ and Him alone."

I am so impatient for change sometimes. I needed to hear what Rachel had to say today. I get so wrapped up in what is going on with me, and what I have to do that I forget to let God into it all. I'll stop and pray at different times during the day, but I forget that He wants to walk through all of it with me. I am so tired. I have been working hard to hold things together, and I am so tired. I go to the Lord when I'm desperate, when I'm struggling, when I'm frustrated, when I'm sad, and when I'm lonely. But then I go back to relying on myself once those feelings have passed. I want to start desiring His presence in my life continually, not just in the hard times.