Adjusting

My name is Suzanna, and I have Addison's Disease.

haha, there I said it. now, how do I learn to accept it? This crazy disease is ruling my life, and I want it to stop now! I HATE it! I want to be normal, be back to feeling normal, be okay.

(this is a pity party if you were wondering...)

One day at a time, one moment at a time.

Then my mind starts racing and I think the worst. I tell myself, "I won't be able to work... I won't be able to support myself. Then what will I do?" ugh, why do I take my fears to the absolute worst? how about just worrying about today for a change?

While I'm letting the world into my pity party, I might as well admit that I'm mad at God. I'm mad that I can't be a healthy 24 year old. I'm mad that I have to worry about which medicine to take when, and constantly evaluate what my body is trying to tell me. I'm mad that I can't be at work right now. I'm mad that I now have 10 prescription medications to keep track of.

People are telling me that I have to let myself grieve. I guess this is it. I've cried more this week than I have in months.

I need to tell you something else though. I have to trust God despite all of this. That doesn't mean every moment I feel full of peace, that my heart and mind aren't filled with turbulence, or that the panic attacks stop coming. It does mean that I run back to Him each time my faith wavers, and that He is there even when I don't feel strong or brave or happy or ready to deal with life...

He has a plan for me, and a plan for this time in my life. I'm mad about it, and I'm not sure I'm ready for His plan. However I do know that He wants to give me good things, and He loves me even more than I can imagine.

This week has been...

a doozy.

To keep perspective I want to focus on the good things. And I am a list writer, so what you get is my list of thankfulness for today:

1. Medicine to keep me feeling well
2. Doctor's who know what they are doing
3. Sunshine and blooming paper-whites
4. Safe, warm home
5. sweet, sweet family
6. kind and supportive friends
7. a job
8. lavender lotion
9. Arby's mozzarella cheese sticks
10. Hope for tomorrow.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-9

Apartment Decoration Inspiration

In about 7 weeks I will be moving into my new apartment! My family is coming down to help me move, and I can't wait. It will be soo good to see them, and I am so excited to get going on decorating and arranging things. But for now, I have been collecting inspiration. There are so many things I have thought of doing. Here are some pictures that I've been saving:

I'm thinking about putting a small table in my sun-room for eating. I like this one, and it has a drop leaf, making it even smaller! The sun-room is 9" x 5" roughly. I found this one at Overstock.com. From the reviews, I don't think it would be a good purchase, but it's the look I think I want.


This chair is from Target. com. I like the color and clean lines. I'm planning on buying a sofa and an upholstered chair for my living room.


This living room isn't completely my style, but I love the white coffee table! Maybe I can find one like it at the flea market or a garage sale... (picture from BHG.com)


I've been admiring sea grass and other natural fiber furniture for a long time. Now that I'm buying furniture for myself, I can't resist working it into my decorating scheme. This is a banana leaf woven set from Target.com

Another Chair and ottoman set that I liked from Target.com

Ever since Pottery Barn came out with a small space table like this I have wanted one. This table is from Overstock.com and has a drop leaf. I'm not sure if it would be too big for where I want to put it, but I like it a lot. See, isn't it gorgeous in the Pottery Barn Catalog?



For my living room, I'm sticking with plain neutral furniture colors (probably a brown or tan sofa and chair, and a white coffee table), and I'm still undecided about the color scheme. I saw a fuchsia pillow at Marshall's the other day, and I loved the idea of pink, brown and green. I think this Amy Butler fabric is so pretty too. (Daisy Chain, Deco Rose, Brown)


But I also like the idea of a soothing palette of brown, cream, aqua and green... We'll see I guess. I still have to buy furniture, so I have time to decide on the rest of the details. I can't wait!

My co-workers are determined to Southern-ize me

It started the 2nd week I worked here. Once they decided I wasn't a snobby girl from the north, and just an okay girl from the north, they began my education.

First lesson, southern words and phrases. Here are a few:

"Drew up": the action of pants or shirts shrinking in the wash. used in a sentence, "Those pants don't fit anymore because they drew up."
"Fixin": working on, going to, on your way to doing... used in a sentence, "I'm fixin' to take my lunch break."
"Usta could": used to describe something that once was, or you once were able to do. used in a sentence, "Well, ya usta could turn left there, but now they done turned it into a one way street."
"Y'all": self explanatory :)
"Buggy": Shopping cart at the grocery store

Second Lesson, Moon Pies. (normally accompanied by RC Cola, but that's another story...)
To a northern girl, a moon pie tastes like marshmallow fluff spread in between two soft graham cracker like cookies dipped in waxy chocolate. Someone at work gave me one of these, and told me I had to heat it up. So, when I tasted it, the chocolate was just a little melty and the the marshmallow filing was puffed up. It was just okay. But since then I've been known to buy one every now and then. They grow on you. A tip for northerners: stick to chocolate and vanilla, stay away from the banana flavor.

There have been many lessons along the way, and I suppose I'm fitting in pretty well, but the latest lesson was almost too much for me.

One day last week I happened to walk into a conversation I soon regretted. Some of my favorite people at work were talking about "Krystal's" (as they like to call it), and how they were both craving a "Krystal." I said, "oh really, I've never had one of those." Both women turned to me in shock. It was as if I had said, "I've never been to McDonald's." But it was worse than that, it was as if I hadn't fully lived. So I was warned that someday one of them would "pick me up a Krystal or two." (they like to personally introduce me to these things, and watch me closely as I try them for the first time.)

So yesterday, two small boxes showed up on my desk. I knew I couldn't risk offending the person for her sweet gesture... so I ate them. Yes, friends, I ate two "Krystals." And I must say, they didn't taste too bad. As I fought the overwhelming sense that I was doing something awful to my body, I chowed down on two greasy, gooey, oniony sandwiches.

Afterward, all I could think about was how unhealthy I felt. (it wasn't until later that night that my stomach reacted badly, but that is a story I will not be sharing.) Overall, I felt that I was honor-bound to at least give Krystal's a try. I can now say that I have tasted a Krystal. However, you will not see me going through that drive through anytime soon.

Dear South,
I like you a lot, but I don't like you enough to eat your favorite fast food.
I hope you can forgive me.
Love,

Wordless Wednesday #3

Nashville Groupon: Brushfire Pottery!

Have you ever heard of Groupon? It's a website that tries to make it more affordable to get out and do things in your community. They feature a daily deal, or gift certificate, that you can buy at a discounted price. The deals are affordable because they require a certain number of people to buy into the deal before it is valid. If the minimum number of people to buy in hasn't been reached by a certain time, then credit cards are refunded and no one gets the deal.

Every morning I get an e-mail from Groupon with their latest deal. Lately it's been for car washes, tanning, massages or other things that don't interest me. But today they are featuring Brushfire Pottery! (read my post here for more about painting pottery) For $15 you can get a $30 gift certificate for the studio fee ($6) and whatever pottery you paint. I usually walk out of Brushfire paying $20-$25 total, and that is for a mug or a small bowl. So with $30, I should be able to paint something bigger.

So if you live in Nashville, and love to paint pottery, or want to give it a try, head over to Groupon! The minimum number of people to tip the scale today, was 30 and that was reached at 7:30 this morning. So your purchase is now guaranteed. There are 13 more hours to get today's deal, but there are only a few left!

Wordless Wednesday #2

Yup, here it is Wordless Wednesday post #2...

I need help!

I'm looking for a shower curtain. I've been to Target, TJ Maxx, Bed Bath and Beyond, Wal-mart, Stein mart, and Ross. I've looked online at Target, Pottery Barn, Bed Bath and Beyond, Amazon and a zillion other places.

Here's my problem: I haven't seen very many that I like. I initially set out looking for a fabric shower curtain with a fun pattern with some colors I could use to choose the rugs. Most of the patterns are too geometric, 80's ish, or just ugly.

Do you know of a good place to buy shower curtains? At economical prices? My price range is $0 to $30.

So far, here are a few I like that would blow my budget:

From India Rose: $110 I would choose the Avocado or the Magenta

Another one from India Rose: $95 I love the ruffles! Target has a similar style, but there are only two or three rows of ruffles. It's not as cute.

I'm also searching for some rugs and a bathmat that are fun and unique. I'm thinking either in chocolate brown or bright blue or green.

India Rose has a bathmat with white polka dots that is so cheerful. It comes in two colors:

lichen green

or

Aqua

Contrite

ahhhh, the weekend is here. This has been a long, cold week. On Monday the weathermen predicted 2-3 inches of snow for Wednesday morning. Nothin doing. On Wednesday they predicted 1-2 inches for Thursday. 8 am Thursday, no white stuff yet. 10 AM it started coming down. People started worrying about getting home, the roads were rumored to be icing up, the weathermen were getting prime airtime in Nashville. I wasn't worried at all...

Until I got stuck! It was last night on a hill in my apartment complex parking lot. That was right after I watched someone else get stuck and I stubbornly thought that they must not know how to drive in the snow. Ha. Little did I know that the hill was covered by a layer of ice. I thought that if I got some momentum, kept a consistent speed and didn't falter I would make it. Nope, 3/4 of the way to the top my tires lost traction and my car started to spin around. So instead of backing down the hill I had to do a 25 point turn to get unstuck from the awkward angle the ice spun me into. I should also tell you that there is a steep drop off on one side of the road.

I feel contritely embarrassed by my pride. "I'm from the North! I know how to drive in the snow!" Turns out most places here don't buy salt because they need it so infrequently. Plus, while driving in weather like this, it would be wise to be very very careful because most of the people around you are freaked out by the snow. :) okay that's a little exaggerated, but only a little!

My co-workers even wear different footwear and clothing when snow is threatening to come. I could talk about the shovels northerners keep in their cars, or the long drive I used to have to campus in every kind of weather, or the multiple inches of snow that accumulate without care-- But I just got finished telling you how I was humbled yesterday. So I won't. ;)

Wordless Wednesday

I have no idea who started this, but here is my contribution to Wordless Wednesdays posts everywhere. ;)